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Oct 30, 2013

GUMMY BEAR ALERT!

AMAZON sells sugarfree Gummy Bears in a 5 lb. bag for about $25.  There is a TINY disclaimer on the bag that says



“Consumption of some sugar-free candies may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect.  Individual tolerance may vary.  If this is the first time you’ve tried those candies, we recommend beginning with one-fourth of a serving size or less.”  [NOTE:  A serving is 17 pieces]

Apparently this should be written in big, red letters!

Here is one (critical) review of this product – there are many others in the same vein.  I have never laughed so hard at ANYTHING since I can remember…… I love that Amazon has these reviews!  And there are more just like this one!

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.



Right side – ‘critical reviews’……… ENJOY

Oct 5, 2013

KITCHEN TIPS (AND MORE) FROM A REDNECK WOMAN [UPDATED 2/1/2018]]

This is a revision of a revision of a revision of a post I did in 2011.... have added many more things that I've found helpful and time-saving in the past seven years.... enjoy!

AROUND THE KITCHEN AND THE REST OF THE HOUSE.....

A shake or two of salt on top of your coffee maker (on the grounds) will keep the coffee from becoming bitter if it’s not drunk right away – ESPECIALLY effective if you are using a 30 cup coffee maker

Always store spice SEEDS (caraway, sesame, celery) in the refrigerator to prevent them from becoming rancid

NEVER let mayonnaise stay out of the refrigerator more than 15 minutes – whether in the jar or in a recipe… the eggs in it are very quick to spoil and can cause severe food poisoning

Before slicing meat for fajitas or stir fry, freeze it for 30 minutes – it slices much easier

Turn your oven on for 3-4 minutes – then turn it off and put your plates in it – warm plates are a really nice touch, especially for a winter breakfast.

NEVER cook a shrimp more than 4 minutes!

The best coffee you will ever brew at home is Dunkin’ Donuts Whole Bean… grind your own…

Rinse your fresh fruit – especially berries – in a 10:1 water:vinegar wash.  You won’t taste the vinegar and it will kill mold spores that cause fruit to grow gray fuzz and rot, so you can store them a few extra days

To quickly scale a fish – add vinegar to a large bowl of water and slosh the fish in it – the scales will wipe right off

When making deviled eggs, add a packet of Equal or Sweet ‘n Low to the filling – it’s delicious!

Try adding chopped green olives to your chicken salad for a tangy surprise

Every kitchen needs 5 GOOD KNIVES – a 7” HOLLOW EDGE Santoku for chopping EVERYTHING; a serrated bread knife, that doubles as a slicing knife; a paring knife for peeling, etc.; a 6-7” utility knife for slicing cheese, small meats, etc.; an 8” chef’s knife for everything else, including protection, and an electric carving knife to use at Thanksgiving and Christmas to carve the ham or turkey – BUY GERMAN (Wusthof or Henckels) KNIVES – THEY ARE THE BEST ON THE MARKET and they will last forever!  Throw out every other knife you own!  (Six knives if you want to add a pizza wheel !!!)  BTW – the new ceramic knives are sharp as a razor – got a free one in the mail, sliced into my finger and FINGERNAIL first time I used it.

One other item I find unique AND necessary is a pair of STAINLESS STEEL needle-nose pliers.  (About $16 on Amazon)



They are perfect for removing seals from jars and containers that have a tiny tab you can't possibly pull with your fingers (e.g. a spice bottle of ground cinnamon).  They are also perfect for getting those last few bones out of your salmon fillets - or any other fish.  And another fantastic use I just discovered:  I only use whole nutmeg and grating it is a chore and often you get skin or fingernails in what you are grating..... well - hold the nut with the needle-nose pliers and grate away!!  Just don't squeeze it too tightly or the nut will break. (p.s.  Hand wash and DRY before putting away)

A vinaigrette bottle ($3 at Bed, Bath and Beyond) makes an attractive bottle by the sink for dishwashing liquid – dilute the liquid half/half with water – makes the soap  go further and looks soooo much better than a bottle of Palmolive Liquid sitting there!

Spray PAM your baking sheet when making homemade ‘frozen’ biscuits so they won’t stick (even tho the directions say ‘ungreased’ cooking sheet)

A stick of cinnamon in boiling water will really make the kitchen smell wonderful - and this is a great tip if your home is on the 'for sale' list - gives it that welcome, homey smell (just test first to see if you like it - would hate for you to lose a sale!)

Cloth napkins are wayyyyyy cheaper in the long run than paper ones

Freeze ginger root in an AIRTIGHT bag – then when a recipe calls for it, grate it FROZEN – you don’t even have to peel it – and it keeps for ages

Speaking of freezers.... an upright is convenient and it's really easy to find your stuff - but BECAUSE it's frost-free, it will burn the krap out of anything that's left in there for very long.  If you have space and patience, consider a chest freezer.  They are superior for NOT causing freezer-burn, but the down side is digging out your stuff (unless you're organized enough to use cheapo plastic containers you can stack.) One other thing.... chest freezers grow their own ice all around the inside and it's a chore to defrost (I do this every three years whether it needs it or not) BUT.... if you live in an area that's prone to power outages (like North Carolina's hurricane alley), your food will keep perfectly fine for 4-5 DAYS, IF YOU LEAVE THE LID CLOSED!

Always toss your citrus scraps garbage in the disposal – it freshens the disposal and the kitchen

You can easily make ‘utility’ ice by filling 3-4 clean gallon plastic milk cartons (or half-gallon ones orange juice comes in) to within an inch of the top and putting them in the freezer overnight – next day – bust ‘em with a hammer over a cooler and voila!  Free Ice!

When grilling with bamboo skewers, use in pairs – it makes the food easier to turn

A shot of sugar-free whipped cream (Land o’ Lakes) and a squirt of Smucker’s Caramel Sundae Sauce on top of a cup of coffee……… to DIE for...

Tomatoes have much more flavor served at room temperature. Take them out of the refrigerator 2 hours before serving.

Strawberries are the only fruit that won’t ripen after it's picked - so avoid ones that still have lime-green tips (and they are the only fruit with seeds on the outside – now you know)

3-4 sprigs of fresh rosemary tied with a string or a piece of dental floss makes a great basting brush for grilling pork or chicken (not so much for beef).  Imparts a little extra flavor… and easy to clean – just toss in the trash.

You know how burgers get done first around the edges and the centers get all thick?  Well, when you make the patties, ‘thin’ the centers by pressing your thumbs in the middle to form an indentation.  Also, add a tablespoon of water to each pound of ground beef when making burgers – it will add back moisture that seeps out while the meat’s sitting in the grocery store case.  And one other burger tip – never smush a burger as it cooks – that presses out all the yummy stuff.  Let it drain on a rack or on paper towels for a couple of minutes and then enjoy.  [For a REALLY awesome burger, skip the water and hide a cold pat of BUTTER in the center of your burgers, and then cook!  Saw this one on Paula Deene]

When planning a party menu, be sure to have hot AND cold food – that way you can refresh the cold things while the hot things cook up nice and fresh

Pita pockets, pulled apart and torn into bite-size pieces and baked 10-12 minutes on 350* make great cracker substitutes or co-crackers!

To prevent fresh cut fruit from turning brown, dip it in pineapple juice – tastes much better than lemon juice or salt water – soaking not required

Cracking eggs?  See a tiny bit of shell in ‘em?  Use a larger piece of shell to dip it out – works way better than your fingers.  If you want to avoid pieces of shell altogether, crack your eggs on the countertop rather than on the sharp edge of a bowl or cup.




This is a great find!  It’s a GLASS bacon press – Cooks Essentials – from QVC of all places.  It’s about 9” square, made of safety glass with a nice insulated handle.  It is fantastic for reducing spattering, it makes food cook more evenly, because more of it is in contact with the cooking surface.  Why is this better than an iron bacon press, you ask?  Because you can SEE thru it to gauge how your bacon is coming along!  Also works wonderfully for sausage and hamburger patties.  [UPDATE:  I have been looking for another one of these for a gift and it's been out of stock FOREVER..... ugh!]

Chilled cucumber slices placed on your CLOSED eyes can refresh them. Teabags are also good because the caffeine in tea bags acts as a remedy for dark circles by diminishing puffiness.  Squeeze out a pair of USED teabags (and caffeine free won’t work) and put them in the freezer until thoroughly chilled.  Flatten them a bit and press one on each eye and leave for about 10 minutes.  Be very careful NOT to get tea in your eyes.

A SOFT toothbrush is great for cleaning mushrooms.  So is a slightly damp paper towel.  Never wash ‘shrooms in running water!

Want just a splash of lemon juice without the seeds or pulp?  Wrap half a lemon in Saran, poke 2-3 slits in it and squeeze away.  No fancy gadgets to wash and store – just throw the remains in the trash (or put the lemon in the garbage disposal to freshen it!)

Making a mess chopping nuts?  Put them in a deep bowl and use a metal dough blender to gently chop them – and they don’t go flying everywhere!



Add fresh sliced strawberries to a green garden salad for a tangy sweet surprise. 

Speaking of strawberries, try serving them at your next summer party beside a little bowl of COLD Blue Cheese salad dressing as a dip!  Trust me on this - it's amazing!

Wearing golf shoes in the winter when your sidewalks and driveway are iced over makes it a LITTLE easier to move around – still be cautious!



Can’t get those candles to stay straight in the candlesticks?  Wrap a small rubber band around the base of the candle 2-3 times.  Problem solved.

COLGATE SIMPLY WHITE is a thick peroxide that you brush on your teeth to brighten them and remove stains.  It is also fantastic antibiotic to put on tick bites to squelch the itching and to prevent infection – just the tiniest touch is all that’s needed on a bite or that place where you removed a splinter.  AND it is fantastic to lighten your fingernails.  Brush the top and the undersides of your fingernail tips and let it sit about 10 minutes – then use a nail brush and soap to clean your hands.  The skin might oxidize a bit but that will soon go away and your nails will look like you had a sorta-French manicure.  Works great to lighten nicotine stains.  [Update:  blah – they have stopped making this!  Just dayum!]  UPDATE:  There IS a product out now called PLUSWHITE 5 MINUTE that does about the same thing...but it's a thinner product and messier.




All the home stores (Walmart, Home Depot, Lowe’s) are carrying solar landscape lights these days and some are quite cheap.  I have some little ones with spikes that you just push in the ground.  I have 4-5 of them outside, and in the event of an extended power failure (like from a hurricane) , pluck’ em up just at dark, put them in a large vase with some gravel in the bottom, and you almost have enough light to read by.  Or spread them around the house for nightlights.  Just put them back out during the day to recharge! 



Stinky cooler?  Scour it out with baking soda and then wipe it dry with paper towels.  Put a dryer sheet (Bounce) in it before storing it.

Keep a bottle of Visine GETS THE RED OUT in your kitchen, on your desk at work, and in your medicine cabinet…… it is fantastic for stopping bleeding from a cut, scrape or paper cut and there’s NO STING, so it’s wonderful for rinsing a skinned knee.  It contains a vasoconstrictor (which constricts the capillaries in the eye to reduce blood flow, hence it gets the red out) and it will constrict the capillaries in the wall of a cut, too!


A plastic gallon vinegar bottle should never be thrown away.  Cut it in two right where the top BEGINS to taper…. The result is a large round open container that’s great for freezing a big block of ice, which can later be cracked with a hammer and used to ice down drinks or make homemade ice cream; the top section is a fantastic funnel, complete with a handle – and totally disposable if you use it for something yukky.


Replace your dishwasher rinse agent (JetDry) with WHITE vinegar – it’s a gazillion times cheaper and the acidity will help with soap scum.

And while I’m on vinegar, don’t let anyone ever tell you that apple cider vinegar with a few drops of dishwasher liquid will take care of a fruit fly problem!  It will definitely kill them BUT, it will attract three times more flies than you started with – trust me on this one!

For fast and easy dusting,  buy a pair of fuzzy acrylic socks, spritz them with a very light mist of water (or Endust if you must) and slip them over your hands.  Candlesticks or chair legs – a snap.  Picture frames – not a problem!  Keep rotating them on your hands, and if necessary turn ‘em inside out and keep going.  Then toss them in the dryer!  (I bought an orange pair – a color I knew I could NEVER confuse with the socks I wear!)

Brushes – you can’t have too many GOOD brushes.  I have several of these  large blue and white ones that are called a ‘car cleaning’ brush – has long SOFT bristles.  It is FANTASTIC for getting the dust off of lamp shades.  Simply take the shade outside and gently brush it and watch the dust take flight!  Really beats vacuuming the shade and then watching the dust cycle thru the vacuum back into the air.  It’s also super for cleaning dirty window and door screens. 

This one’s also fantastic for cleaning bathroom fixtures – the bristles are soft and you can get in corners – and when you press down a bit, the bristles spread out and cover lots of territory – also great for scouring a toilet, and it rinses out clean
Don’t know how it works on a car, but my husband has one.


I also have 2-3 grout brushes that I will never part with.  In addition to cleaning grout (duh) and removing icky build-up around the base of faucets, try cleaning your stovetop with it.  I have a sealed unit gas range and the grout brush and some diluted Soft Scrub will clean it right up, particularly around the flame thing (I’m a really messy cook) and it won’t scratch the enamel like a soap pad might. 



A grout brush is also great for LIGHTLY brushing fresh corn to get the silks off.  Be gentle so you don’t puncture the kernels.

Another brush that works GREAT for silking corn is a fingernail brush - $1.99 on Amazon for a 6-pack - also available at Walmart

The following tips came in an email – they are fantastic!

Use frozen grapes to keep your wine chilled without watering it down. (I've done this one - it's awesome!)

Place a wooden spoon across a boiling pot to keep it from bubling over.  This works, too!

Bologna sandwiches that fit square bread - and how many bologna sandwiches have you eaten???  A picture is worth a thousand words:



Turn on your automobile seat warmer to keep pizza warm on the way home.

Recipe holder?  Another picture….


Use a muffin tin for serving condiments at your next cookout!  I don't know why I never thought of this one!


A loaf of fresh bread is much easier to slice if it’s upside down - be sure to use a serrated knife!

SPRAYWAY brand foaming glass cleaner cleans the HELL outta windows and mirrors!  Streaks far less than Windex (ok – that’s not a kitchen tip but I had to throw it in cause it works!)    Most car parts stores carry this (Pep Boys, Autozone, etc) Note:  Don’t clean windows when the sun is shining on them.



Here's my grilling blog... if you're interested



UPDATE 12/17/2013:

If your washing machine has a pre-soak/pre-wash cycle, try putting all your dishcloths and kitchen towels in and add about 1/2 C of AMMONIA to the pre-wash dispenser.... it cuts the grease build-up and they come out smelling sooooo much cleaner.

And while I'm talking laundry - don't add fabric softener to ANY towels - it makes them water repellent.

At Christmastime, if you have an artificial tree, stick 6-8 limbs of a rosemary plant - about 10" long - among the branches - will give your tree that 'real' smell.

And Merry Christmas from my house to yours!

MORE KITCHEN UPDATES:  7/5/2015

I know most of you have seen the cooks on Food Network smash garlic cloves with the side of a santoku knife with their fist...... let me tell you - this is KRAP, especially if you have several to smash.  Cover your pile of garlic cloves with a sorta-damp paper towel and grab  your handy OXO meat tenderizer and smack away with the flat side!  About $17 and worth every cent.

Another OXO product THAT I LOVE.... is the poultry shears. They will run you about $20-$25 (use a BB&B 20% off coupon) .... but again, these are fantastic.  You can cut apart a chicken or chicken wings in MINUTES.... I've even said you could cut up a dead body with them.  AND the blades separate into two pieces for thorough cleaning in the dishwasher... and they clip shut for safety in your kitchen drawer.



THIS is a Black & Decker Handy Chopper.... and I couldn't live without it - it's one of three electric appliances that sits on my kitchen counter all the time.  It's small -  will sit in a saucer - dishwasher safe, and can chop a handful of garlic cloves in 3 seconds.  Fantastic when you need ONE onion chopped, or a cup of parsley whizzed....  $14.00 at WalMart.  You can thank me later for this one!

Another thing I never knew but just found out..... NEVER CUT A FRUIT PIE UNTIL IT IS COMPLETELY COOLED!  If you cut a warm pie, you get to watch the insides ooze sideways to fill the missing 'wedge'.  UGH  If you want it warm, reheat a slice.