Collards, you say? Hmmmm - oh yeah! This recipe will serve 5-8 people.
Note: If you plan to cook collards for New Year's dinner, plan ahead, because you're gonna need about a CUP of bacon grease - so that means lots of BLT's all summer! (You can season them with 2-3 ham hocks by just covering them and boiling them for 3-4 hours - remove and use the 'water' to cook the collards in.)
First off - do not even THINK about cooking collards unless there has been a hard frost in the 'garden' of your collards supplier! The frost makes them sweet and helps kill the insect life!
Secondly, if you have any way to cook OUTDOORS over an open flame, do it, because collards will.... ummmmm...stink up your house!
Collards are usually sold by the WHOLE plant, and you need about one of those per serving.... if you can get 'baby' plants, add 1 additional plant for every 3 servings you want to end up with - when you cook collards, THEY DISAPPEAR!
Soooo.... I started with 10 plants I got from a roadside kiosk in town.... six were what I'd call 'baby' ones and 4 were GINORMOUS!
Step 1 - pull off the leaves, check for wildlife (tiny worms which they tell me adds seasoning but which I'd rather now KNOW are in my final product!) Wash each leaf by shaking it in a bucket of clean, cold water.
Steps 2-5: Wash each leaf in a bucket of clean, cold water. (In the South, collards are grown in sandy soil, and there is nothing worse than gritty collards - TRUST ME!)
Head for the kitchen (finally) and fill an 8 quart (minimum) stock pot about 2/3's full of water. Add a cup of bacon grease and 3 tablespoons of salt. Get this on the stove on high so it will be boiling when your collards are ready.
Next - 'do the stems'. This mean cutting the stems off at the point where the leafy part starts to form.
Wash them AGAIN in clean cold water, just for good measure. You'll need a really big bowl to put the leaves in as you trim them. And to trim them, check EACH leaf. You've already removed most of the stems, but..... if the stem with 'leafy greens' on each side is larger than a fat drinking straw, you need to clip the leaf away from the stem upwards 3-4" and then cut out just that part of the stem - this insures that the greens AND the remaining stems will get done about the same time.
Got that? (One reason I prefer baby collards is that the stems are small and you can skip the previous step)
Do this for each leaf, and put them in the big bowl. When the water comes to a rolling boil.... begin feeding the LARGEST leaves into the pot, a few at the time. Push them down into the water and let the water return to a boil with each addition. Continue 'feeding' the leaves (largest to smallest) into the boiling water, pressing the leaves down as you add them.
When all the collards are in the pot and the water has come back to a hard boil, reduce the heat to medium-low (a rolling simmer) and cover. Set your timer for 15 minutes and stir/press down the collards. (Ed. note: If you think collards stink when you cook 'em..... SCORTCH 'EM.... you will want to buy a new house!)
Cook the collards for 1-1/4 to 1/1/2 hours MAX , stirring and rolling the leaves over EVERY 15 MINUTES.... leaves and stems should be tender after 90 minutes.
Now for the fun part. Dip out 2-3 C of the cooking liquid and set aside. Drain the collards in a colander (or dip the leaves out of the water with tongs). Working in small bunches, chop the collards and put them in a 'much smaller pot'....
At this point they are basically ready for the table. HOWEVER: If you want to freeze them (and they freeze wonderfully!), put portions in zipper bags and add a shot of the reserved cooking liquid. If you are going to serve them later in the day, add about 3/4" of the cooking liquid to the pot and refrigerate until dinnertime. When you re-heat them, check for salt and just REHEAT - do not cook!
REMEMBER: The collards are DONE AND READY TO EAT. All you need will be some baked sweet potatoes and a plate of cornbread and YOU WILL ROCK!
